Letter to Fuchi (April 2022)
So much has happened since the class at Duquesne. Who would have predicted our hearts finding fit and mesh? Who would have thought possible the We, we We? And here it is six years later, and you've just earned your PhD. Dr. Fuchi. Dr. Hossain.
I am lucky to know and have known your love and lucky to be loved by you.
I have only tried to love you as you deserve to be loved and to have you recognize and believe you are worthy of love and should accept nothing lesser.
My hope is that you when hear or read this, you will not close down. You will not stop listening. You will not run and sing, “La la la.” You will not do that thing you do, turn your head, look down, and mutter “Drama,” because recognizing, acknowledging, and articulating affection, connection, meaning, and love are too scary, too much. All of these are insights into, are confessions of, your vulnerability. They reveal your fears of not being in control. They demonstrate how you find safety in the silence of things left unsaid, covered over, avoided.
Love requires an admission of vulnerability and desire.
I love to you! And I love you.
You have me own my vulnerabilities. You have me fall. You make me blind. You have me offering what I have to offer—to show you, convince you, that you are worthy of love and are claimed to return love honestly, which scares you.
I understand your fears, not only with me, which makes, if nothing else, practical sense, but with what's required to accept love and to be lovable—loving yourself, standing your ground, owning your power, and fully revealing the gift and grace of you. Embracing this is frightening because it requires you not to limit yourself or derail your train because of what you fear or by the demands and expectations of others.
You are Fuchi—Suchi—because you have bent your light to ensure that so many are happy and attended to—both for the community and numerous individuals. You fall over backward, giving. You do what you believe should be done to bring people together and promote your culture and caring. Doing so brings you joy and fulfillment. You meet what you embraces as your obligations and, in turn, are being you.
But there is and has been a shadow side to this. By giving in the way you have been giving, you have recently come to recognize that way others are responding now often leaves you feeling both used and the giving, attention, and care unreciprocated—leading to frustration and hurt.
But this giving—your Fuchiness & Suchiness—is the claim made to you by your birth. You are destined to give, help, and change (and fix!) things. You are a healer. You are a bodhisattva. But to continue doing this honestly and in healthy ways, your giving and wrangling will need to be done differently and in ways that support and are more truthful to your story. You know this.
Shifting this perspective is even more urgent because now you are at a critical juncture in your life. You've completed your PhD quest. You've honored your Father and your Brother and Family. Yet, this point in time has you holding much of your future in your hands, or better put, resting in your story. The decisions you make now, the next train you board, will determine so much—for you and those you will touch, help, heal, and guide. This is no time to lose focus or make your dream secondary. And I know some possibilities remain uncertain given your immigration status. Still, I suspect your lawyers and your credentials will have this work out in your favor. But this is undoubtedly a time of transition.
In this, of course, I'm afraid of losing you as We are now. But, this is part of what we've been given to be the We we still are. What luck!
What I’m more concerned with—and maybe I’m out of line or just wrong—is that you might hesitate, might not believe that you have the voice or right to step forward and tell the best people in the world that “I am here,” “I am ready to stand equally among you," "I'm ready to take my ideas and actions known to make a difference.” Isn’t this what the dream of Harvard is about?
There should be and is no doubt about your talent and the quality of your work. You’ve received so much praise for your papers, your presentations, and your thinking. Your ideas are “dangerous," as Dr. McGill professed boldly. Dangerous is not easy to come by. And you're dangerous in good ways. But dangerous undermines the status quo. And subverting the status quo requires strength, courage, vision, and resilience. "They will be coming for you,” Dr. McGill made very clear. Dr. G. and Dr. McGill believe in you and see that your work is meaningful, creative, radical, and threatening. Fuchi, few people find themselves in a position to offer insights that noted people in the field recognize as having the ability to alter the status quo. So, doubts about your worthiness to play in this space should be placed to rest. Your dream awaits your story action.
I ask you to recognize, embrace, and own this.
It is not egotistical to acknowledge your goals and ambitions. It is not self-serving to recognize what you set out to do when constructing the dissertation and embrace your critique of what you saw when commenting on the different components of the field and literature.
Given this post-PhD moment, I’m asking you to continue to take these ideas to where you feel they should go. And as frightening as this may be, push into the world with all your voice, your words, your light, your brilliance, your story.
I say this as Lehner. As someone who loves you and someone who has tried to guide and always be there for you. Someone who has attempted to show you, reveal to you, convince you of, the profound beauty of you. Someone who respects you as a woman—a powerful woman—who continues open and blossom, becoming ever more commanding, beautiful, and influential.
I am lucky to have you enter my life and world. You have changed me in ways that would not have happened otherwise—creatively, spiritually, physically, and the list goes on. You've helped me re-find my heart; you've helped me reclaim the ability to love. You give me a space to allow myself to be vulnerable. You lift me in joy. And hopefully, my return, in part, pays a tiny bit of my debt to you. But this is a bit off point.
What needs to be asked and answered in taking your next step is to address the question: What do you want? Not what you think you should do, or how your choices need to please or bend to others' wishes and expectations.
Fuchi, what do you want? How do you want this life to unfold, in specific?
This is a terrifying and dangerous question because I'm not sure you have ever been afforded this space or, in the past, would permit yourself to do so because you didn't think you could. Perhaps I'm being presumptuous? Perhaps your desires are clear in your mind and heart but choose not to share those fully, or you have shared your intent, and I haven’t listened or heard correctly?
Again, I ask lovingly and with respect, curiously, “What do you want?” “What do you imagine?” Tell me, please. Not because you owe me that, but because I think the world, the heavens, need to hear it said, so all the forces of the universe can and will help you obtain your vision, goal, imagination, and dream. Hopefully, I've earned the right to ask this of you, dangerous as the query maybe? Is the PhD and Narrative Authority, and the pathways that come directly with this, what you want? I ask because I am not sure you have been entirely given or taken this freedom-to-be you before, nor has it ever been more vital than now for you to speak your life-dream. Your imagination, desires, drive, possibilities, hopes are the saying. The telling, construction, and the doing are the said.
Fuchi, I love you. The heavens open when we're together, our words flow madly, and time evaporates. Together, we share heaven. We weave as one, but still two, into what we can understand as the mystery of what is otherwise than earthly. This is a grace, something so few are lucky ever to experience.
I pray that our love lives in you. And hope that you'll take what I've offered in this letter—as incomplete as it is—and, in turn, use my encouragement to stand in your power as you see fit.
Be the full woman you are claimed to be.
Fuchi, you are amazing. You deserve this dream of yours. You were born to live your dream. Bodhisattva. Teacher. Healer. Woman. Mother. You should be loved and honored in ways that I only approach.
In turn, you must remain loveable, adorable, which requires you to love and adore yourself, which is achieved by committing to and following your story to where it honestly claims you to go—not derailed by fear or sent to a destination determined by the demands and wishes of others.
You are a dangerous woman. To live dangerously demands honesty and courage (think of your aunt).
For someone, friend or otherwise, to love you genuinely and in a reciprocal manner requires them to be grounded, confident, have strong identities and embrace stories and dreams that are complementary with yours, are not possessive, do not inhibit your richness, possibilities, or are destructive to your dreams.
Dangerous women don’t settle. Make your Harvard voice fill the world with change and allow your story to overflow with notoriety and influence.
Fuchi, you are a remarkable woman, I'm lucky to grace my life, yesterday, today, and… .
Lehner
4/13/2022
So much has happened since the class at Duquesne. Who would have predicted our hearts finding fit and mesh? Who would have thought possible the We, we We? And here it is six years later, and you've just earned your PhD. Dr. Fuchi. Dr. Hossain.
I am lucky to know and have known your love and lucky to be loved by you.
I have only tried to love you as you deserve to be loved and to have you recognize and believe you are worthy of love and should accept nothing lesser.
My hope is that you when hear or read this, you will not close down. You will not stop listening. You will not run and sing, “La la la.” You will not do that thing you do, turn your head, look down, and mutter “Drama,” because recognizing, acknowledging, and articulating affection, connection, meaning, and love are too scary, too much. All of these are insights into, are confessions of, your vulnerability. They reveal your fears of not being in control. They demonstrate how you find safety in the silence of things left unsaid, covered over, avoided.
Love requires an admission of vulnerability and desire.
I love to you! And I love you.
You have me own my vulnerabilities. You have me fall. You make me blind. You have me offering what I have to offer—to show you, convince you, that you are worthy of love and are claimed to return love honestly, which scares you.
I understand your fears, not only with me, which makes, if nothing else, practical sense, but with what's required to accept love and to be lovable—loving yourself, standing your ground, owning your power, and fully revealing the gift and grace of you. Embracing this is frightening because it requires you not to limit yourself or derail your train because of what you fear or by the demands and expectations of others.
You are Fuchi—Suchi—because you have bent your light to ensure that so many are happy and attended to—both for the community and numerous individuals. You fall over backward, giving. You do what you believe should be done to bring people together and promote your culture and caring. Doing so brings you joy and fulfillment. You meet what you embraces as your obligations and, in turn, are being you.
But there is and has been a shadow side to this. By giving in the way you have been giving, you have recently come to recognize that way others are responding now often leaves you feeling both used and the giving, attention, and care unreciprocated—leading to frustration and hurt.
But this giving—your Fuchiness & Suchiness—is the claim made to you by your birth. You are destined to give, help, and change (and fix!) things. You are a healer. You are a bodhisattva. But to continue doing this honestly and in healthy ways, your giving and wrangling will need to be done differently and in ways that support and are more truthful to your story. You know this.
Shifting this perspective is even more urgent because now you are at a critical juncture in your life. You've completed your PhD quest. You've honored your Father and your Brother and Family. Yet, this point in time has you holding much of your future in your hands, or better put, resting in your story. The decisions you make now, the next train you board, will determine so much—for you and those you will touch, help, heal, and guide. This is no time to lose focus or make your dream secondary. And I know some possibilities remain uncertain given your immigration status. Still, I suspect your lawyers and your credentials will have this work out in your favor. But this is undoubtedly a time of transition.
In this, of course, I'm afraid of losing you as We are now. But, this is part of what we've been given to be the We we still are. What luck!
What I’m more concerned with—and maybe I’m out of line or just wrong—is that you might hesitate, might not believe that you have the voice or right to step forward and tell the best people in the world that “I am here,” “I am ready to stand equally among you," "I'm ready to take my ideas and actions known to make a difference.” Isn’t this what the dream of Harvard is about?
There should be and is no doubt about your talent and the quality of your work. You’ve received so much praise for your papers, your presentations, and your thinking. Your ideas are “dangerous," as Dr. McGill professed boldly. Dangerous is not easy to come by. And you're dangerous in good ways. But dangerous undermines the status quo. And subverting the status quo requires strength, courage, vision, and resilience. "They will be coming for you,” Dr. McGill made very clear. Dr. G. and Dr. McGill believe in you and see that your work is meaningful, creative, radical, and threatening. Fuchi, few people find themselves in a position to offer insights that noted people in the field recognize as having the ability to alter the status quo. So, doubts about your worthiness to play in this space should be placed to rest. Your dream awaits your story action.
I ask you to recognize, embrace, and own this.
It is not egotistical to acknowledge your goals and ambitions. It is not self-serving to recognize what you set out to do when constructing the dissertation and embrace your critique of what you saw when commenting on the different components of the field and literature.
Given this post-PhD moment, I’m asking you to continue to take these ideas to where you feel they should go. And as frightening as this may be, push into the world with all your voice, your words, your light, your brilliance, your story.
I say this as Lehner. As someone who loves you and someone who has tried to guide and always be there for you. Someone who has attempted to show you, reveal to you, convince you of, the profound beauty of you. Someone who respects you as a woman—a powerful woman—who continues open and blossom, becoming ever more commanding, beautiful, and influential.
I am lucky to have you enter my life and world. You have changed me in ways that would not have happened otherwise—creatively, spiritually, physically, and the list goes on. You've helped me re-find my heart; you've helped me reclaim the ability to love. You give me a space to allow myself to be vulnerable. You lift me in joy. And hopefully, my return, in part, pays a tiny bit of my debt to you. But this is a bit off point.
What needs to be asked and answered in taking your next step is to address the question: What do you want? Not what you think you should do, or how your choices need to please or bend to others' wishes and expectations.
Fuchi, what do you want? How do you want this life to unfold, in specific?
This is a terrifying and dangerous question because I'm not sure you have ever been afforded this space or, in the past, would permit yourself to do so because you didn't think you could. Perhaps I'm being presumptuous? Perhaps your desires are clear in your mind and heart but choose not to share those fully, or you have shared your intent, and I haven’t listened or heard correctly?
Again, I ask lovingly and with respect, curiously, “What do you want?” “What do you imagine?” Tell me, please. Not because you owe me that, but because I think the world, the heavens, need to hear it said, so all the forces of the universe can and will help you obtain your vision, goal, imagination, and dream. Hopefully, I've earned the right to ask this of you, dangerous as the query maybe? Is the PhD and Narrative Authority, and the pathways that come directly with this, what you want? I ask because I am not sure you have been entirely given or taken this freedom-to-be you before, nor has it ever been more vital than now for you to speak your life-dream. Your imagination, desires, drive, possibilities, hopes are the saying. The telling, construction, and the doing are the said.
Fuchi, I love you. The heavens open when we're together, our words flow madly, and time evaporates. Together, we share heaven. We weave as one, but still two, into what we can understand as the mystery of what is otherwise than earthly. This is a grace, something so few are lucky ever to experience.
I pray that our love lives in you. And hope that you'll take what I've offered in this letter—as incomplete as it is—and, in turn, use my encouragement to stand in your power as you see fit.
Be the full woman you are claimed to be.
- Do not accept lesser.
- Do not compromise your dream.
- Do not abandon your gifts.
- Do not bend to the will of others, especially those who overly or selfishly rely on you, expect from you because they do not own their power, are not courageous, and do not face whatever may be their fears and vulnerabilities.
Fuchi, you are amazing. You deserve this dream of yours. You were born to live your dream. Bodhisattva. Teacher. Healer. Woman. Mother. You should be loved and honored in ways that I only approach.
In turn, you must remain loveable, adorable, which requires you to love and adore yourself, which is achieved by committing to and following your story to where it honestly claims you to go—not derailed by fear or sent to a destination determined by the demands and wishes of others.
You are a dangerous woman. To live dangerously demands honesty and courage (think of your aunt).
For someone, friend or otherwise, to love you genuinely and in a reciprocal manner requires them to be grounded, confident, have strong identities and embrace stories and dreams that are complementary with yours, are not possessive, do not inhibit your richness, possibilities, or are destructive to your dreams.
Dangerous women don’t settle. Make your Harvard voice fill the world with change and allow your story to overflow with notoriety and influence.
Fuchi, you are a remarkable woman, I'm lucky to grace my life, yesterday, today, and… .
Lehner
4/13/2022