We note Ms. Ruddick as a reconfigurer. She offered a context through which mothers could see, understand, and take themselves up differently and more honestly. She championed a way to alter the style of mothering. Ms. Ruddick shifted the focus away from motherhood as a social institution or a biological imperative to a responsive experience based on the attentive, day-to-day practices of educating and rearing a child.

Ms. Ruddick, from our perspective, understood motherhood as a relational activity. That is: shared, meaningful, and fluid practices that integrally shape the identities of both the child and mother. She promoted a being-with that required attention, an understanding of beliefs and values, and the realization that consistent, grounded practices, and genuine responses to a child’s demands created pathways for the choice-driven, love-founded development of child and mother.

Ms. Ruddick, a longtime professor of philosophy and women’s studies at the New School for Social Research, provided a means to reframe motherhood from a socially configured role, complete with sets of abstract quality requirements that teased one to chase perfection, to a person-to-person, moment-to-moment lived experience founded on articulated passions, driven by meaning making, and manifest in and through concrete actions and doings.

Her insights support a position of nonviolence: mothers by and through their nurturing practices and activities cannot accept or admit violence in social or workplace settings. Thus, mothers, by and through lived experience and passionate practices, must naturally resist militarism and war.

Further, in her re-articulation of motherhood and its relational, existential definition, Ms. Ruddick made a place for men as “mothers.” Since, motherhood is founded on the relationship and the practices that lead to growth and nurturing, motherhood is, from her perspective, sex-neutral. And with this comes a reframing of traditional male roles and the nature of masculinity and the paternalism.

Thank you Sara Ruddick; we are grateful for your trailblazing.

For more:
See William Grimes’ New York Times obituary of Ms. Ruddick.
A review of  ”Maternal Thinking: Toward a Politics of Peace.”
Or investigate our Naridus 5-Minutes Helper Book™ , a tool on the power of relationships and passions.

We explore the quest to be “perfect” and the stifling effect it has on individual identity, passion-driven living, and meaningful relationships during our From Perfection to Passion process. The desire to be “the perfect mother,” without fail, is one of the most difficult to address. So it is of no surprise that Almond reports and confirms what we witness in our workshops and coaching: the “expectations for good mothering have become so hard to live with, the standards so draconian, that maternal ambivalence has increased and at the same time become more unacceptable to society.”

We see maternal ambivalence as one among a host of other ambivalences and confusions that women face. For decades women have been told they can and should “have it all”—family, career, social life, spiritual grounding. It’s the myth of super mom or super woman. Chasing perfect—not only perfect mom, but perfect boss, spouse, caregiver, neighbor, church member, etc.—often leads to anxiety, guilt, exhaustion, and sometimes depression, but always to a distancing and disconnection from the passions that claim a women and the relationships and activities through which those passions find expression and meaning.

Almond believes that it is critical for a mother to recognize the mixed emotions of loving-and-hating she feels for her child as affirmation that she is in real a relationship with the child. Likewise, we suggest that the ambivalences and confusions that women confront are clear signals to attend to the heartfelt, to reconnect with and attest to the identity-giving meaning and value of the relationships and practices of her life.

Chasing perfect denies us the mixed-emotion drama of living and being with others we love and care for. Ambivalence and confusions are beacons guiding us away from the disaster of perfect to the safe harbors of rich relationships, fulfilling practices, and engaged living.

The Institute provides an innovative approach to change and gender initiatives by offering workshops and classes to decision-makers and practitioners that promote both hands-on and structural change.

We were asked to bring thought leadership to the decision-making side of the curriculum. We reframed the gender question from a women’s issue to a business imperative—Gender is a Strategic Business Concern, Not a Women’s Issue. In making a strong business case for women, managing partners came to understand how unquestioned assumptions about women, leadership, and workplace best-practices affect decision making, the ability to attract, develop, and retain high-quality female talent, and ultimately the growth and sustainability of their firms in a quickly changing and highly dynamic marketplace.

Congratulations to the Allegheny County Bar Association for it top-priority efforts.

We suspect she is on to something and thought that by sharing her tale, you might recognize the situations and relate to her insights.

Read on to see if your career or job resides within Grim Fairy Tales….

The Too Common Tale of Senior-level Cinderella:
Do all the chores, never get invited to the ball!

Are you a Senior-level Cinderella?

You are super talented at getting things done. It does not matter whether you are given the resources or enough work-time to complete these objectives, you get the job done.

You are driven by the belief that as you continue to reap success from the most barren of situations, you will prove—beyond doubt—that you are willing and amazingly capable.

Can you identify with the following Senior-level Cinderella situations?

Talented Trouble Shooter: Given mice and pumpkin to get a tall task done. Cinderella has an excellent track record. She has delivered on all the objectives—be it business development, budgets, or team development. As a reward, she is moved into another trouble-spot in the organization so she can work her magic and clean things up. Take away: No promotion, no raise, not even additional resources…a lot of praise, yes (its free!). Cinderella consistently falls for this because she is a team player and she sees opportunity. She tells herself, “Surely if I get this done I will be invited to the ball.”

Not the Right Fit: Prince Harming gave you the wrong shoes…then gives you the “not right fit” or “not ready” or “you are not that person” speech.

Once again you have exceeded expectations, gone above and beyond what was outlined in the task (in fact you may have crossed the limited imagination of Prince Harming as he set your obstacle course), and have done so with few resources and little support. It is review time and you expect a handsome reward. Instead, Prince Harming gives you another pair or wrong-sized shoes (bad raise, no promotion, another leper assignment) coupled with one of the following talks:

“Cinderella, in order to get the job promotion/plum assignment you have expressed interest in you needed to have managed more than pumpkin and mice. In ‘that’ job you will have to manage horses and charioteer…you do not yet have that experience.”

“You were really amazing; the President/CEO of the company has taken notice and personally mentioned to me that your work was great. Due to your extraordinary ability, we want to give you this next (leper) assignment…and since you worked so well with mice and pumpkin in your last assignment, we will let you continue with those resources.”

“Congratulations, you did very well. I fought for a higher raise than my budget allowed because you got the job done, in spite of it being challenging. As far as the promotion, it is just not possible at this time. You do not have the right background. You see, Prince Flashy Smile has an MBA from Harvard and we have not given him the title yet. Ah yes…you are right. He did not have to do what you did, but had he been given the assignment, he would have done it well, too. After all, he ‘did’ go to Harvard….”

Are you in a Grim Fairy Tale? If so, please share your stories/experiences….

And…should you be a Fairy Godmother, we all would love some help with these questions:

• Where can Cinderella change her strategies/approach to work?
• What professional conclusions can Cinderella draw from her situation?
• Does she stay or leave?

In her new book, “The Twisted Sisterhood,” Kelly Valen reveals that 88 percent of the women she surveyed felt “currents of meanness and negativity emanating from other females.”

We often encounter a flavor of mean girl behavior when we see women not supporting, mentoring, or collaborating with other women in the workplace. By not supporting one another, women perpetuate old patterns and limit opportunities for growth and positive change for all.

We are curious about your experiences and welcome your thoughts: Have you suffered from “mean girl” behavior? What flavor? Are we really mean?

Me?  To my surprise the assessment paired my style with Michelle Obama.  Now, I like that!  The next time someone asks me to compare my leadership style with someone else’s, I’ll have a very unexpected answer!

Give it a go and let us know Who Is Your Female Power Model!  What thoughts come to mind in relationship to women’s leadership and development? Were you surprised?

Looking forward to your comments.

Narrative and identity development is an emerging and growing method through which organizations invite individuals to (1) address the core issues—which rest at the heart of living an engaged and rewarding life—of meaning and significance, and (2) create a personal narrative, the wellspring to improve self-confidence, clarify values, focus goals, and form an inspired and realistic vision of the future.

While this approach may seemingly fall outside the scope of “professional development,” it actually goes right to its core.

As participants experience the process, they catch sight of the range of their skills and talents, and come to see how who they want to be can be fulfilled by taking up roles, responsibilities, and relationship in ways that support and deepen a sense of personal identity. The development provides a means for participants to define, articulate, contextualize, and integrate their passions and aspirations in terms of work and the roles and responsibilities they take up at work. They come to see how work is meaningful, congruent, and integral to the notion of self.

This is a game changer because it ties work to self in ways that are often overlooked. A common result: leadership becomes a way of living, a way of artfully responding to the day-to-day, the minute-by-minute.

The integrative and application focus which narrative and identity development provides, helps participants reclaim, renew, or enhance motivation and energy, which in turn gives rise to commitment, engagement, participation, and the inspiration to bring out the best in themselves and others. And the narrative component provides a contextual basis often absent from or overlooked by many strength-based or appreciative perspectives.

Because narrative and identity development heads directly to the heart of how someone understands who she/he is and provides an empowering global context from which to respond to the challenges and satisfaction work provides, the process directly supports and complements other internal development efforts by acting as a keystone for job-specific skill building, behavior modeling, and technical training…. Importantly, narrative and identity development is concrete, process driven, and results oriented.

In short, narrative and identity development helps people to “switch on” in an honest and genuine manner. Why? Because they more closely meld the meaning and significance derived from work with the overall meaning and significance of their lives.

# # #

Following is a Naridus response. We suggest there is a fundamental ethical importance of knowing both the American Narrative and one’s personal narrative. Narrative provides the pathway for both social and individual change.

Looking forward to your response.

=========
Reg Henry catches sight of the power of narrative, (Portfolio, June 30), to provide continuity, clarity, and sense-making to one’s world. Mr. Henry’s examples reveal how narrative is often mistaken, overlooked, or abused in the form of polarizing and self-serving spin. I don’t think it’s so much “Brother, can you spare a narrative?” as it is, “Brother, can we tell our narrative?”

For the most part we all share a common narrative—the American Narrative: a melting pot of pioneering, can-do, responsible, fair and just people who do right by their neighbor and the world. Regardless of which side of the political fence one stands, this narrative provides grounding, shared beliefs, and an American identity. When we tell the story of who we are it provides clarity of imagination for the future and sense-making for decisions in the present.

Martin Luther King called on the foundational American premise that all men are created equal to reveal the deficiency of Jim Crow and provide the core narrative roots for civil rights. Candy Lightner, founder of Mothers Against Drunk Drivers, called upon the responsible, do-right-by-your-neighbor component to supply the moral and social clarity that forever changed the indifferent, boys-will-be-boys acceptance of drinking and driving. Presently, we see the Christian influence of our narrative—the belief in stewardship—reforming how Americans review ecology and environmental choices. Too often we forget or discount our common narrative, which leads to a loss of identity, acting in ways that are incongruent with our core beliefs, and missing opportunities to live in ways that reveal the best of whom we can be.

Mr. Henry contends that many Americans have no narrative. I suggest that we each always have a narrative, but it is often not given the credence deserved. Few of us have been taught or shown the transformational, identity-integrating power of knowing and telling our story. We’re more often focused on measuring and quantifying skills and achievements, but rarely concerned to what end.

Too often our narratives are left to chance and we follow paths that may not suit our passions and callings. My experience makes clear that narrative development should be begin early. Many young adults have little clue as to why they are following the route they are following. Later in life they are often misfit for their careers, marriages, communities, which leads to unhappiness, and a yearning for something better. Brother and Sister, knowing the nuance of our American narrative can reveal the common ground from which to genuinely discuss common concerns, and see through snake oil huckerism. Taking ownership of our individual narratives helps each of us thrive, and make choices about living that serve to reveal who we can and want to be. In essence, attention to our narratives is a genuine, ethical concern.

Frank

# # #